Five Love Langauages

Carl and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a Strong Bond's event this weekend. It is a program through the military that encourages soldiers and their spouses and families. The one we attended was in Myrtle Beach, SC. It was just for couples. We got to stay at a beautiful oceanfront resort that was beautiful. I spent as much time as I could outside by the pool or on the beach. The beach is my happy place.
All our food was provided so we did not have to worry about a things. They even offered child care for those couples who could not find a babysitter. The rooms were provided and we even had an ocean view. It was amazing. I woke up every morning to see the sunrise on the beach. I definitely was in one of my favorite places to be.
To make it even that much more wonderful, we got to spend the weekend going through the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The couple who ran the program have a marriage ministry called My Beloved Marriage Ministry.
We filled out a profile sheet that helped us discover what our love language is. We then discussed this with our spouses and discovered theirs. For Carl and I it was not a surprise at all. I have known what mine was for years and I was able to guess Carl's with no problem.
Mine is Words of Affirmation.
Carl's is Acts of Service.
No wonder we sometimes feel unloved by the other. I am giving him words and he is giving me acts of service. We are each showing love to the other in the way we most feel loved. We have it backwards.
Carl feels most loved when I do things for him.
I feel most loved when he uses words, whether written or spoken, to affirm me.
It is a struggle for both of us to make the other feel truly loved because it is difficult to do things out of our comfort zone.
Carl has a hard time putting his thoughts into words.
I have a hard time finding out what Carl needs me to do the most.
It is so common for couples to have love languages that are opposite of each other.
It was a very good weekend. I discovered that even though words of affirmation is my primary love language I do have secondary ones.
Listening to the session on physical touch I realized that non-sensual touch is very important to me. Carl also recognized this about me too. It is wonderful when couples learn things about one another that improve the way they communicate with one another.
The weekend was a good reminder for us both. On the way home Carl and I talked a lot. I started a list of things that Carl would like me to do for him. It is a good start.
For Carl, he recognized that he needs to work on his words to me. I woke up this morning and found this note he had written to me. He is off to a good start.
I love this man so much. I am committed to working on this marriage to make it be a witness to a world that needs to see two sinners loving each other in the strength and power of the Holy Spirit.

January 4, 2017

I love you because you kiss me every morning as you are leaving for work.

For all the years we have been married, you have given me a kiss when you are ready to leave. When you don't you either text me of call me to explain why. I lot of times it is because I am sleeping and don't want to wake me. After 19 years of marriage, I have never tired of it. Don't ever stop.

May 9, 2013

I love you because you know when I need pizza for dinner, and soda, and chocolate.

I never really fell back asleep last night as I was up praying over a child. That led to a rough day as I was also working on a Mother's Day project for my mom. You did not mind bringing  pizza home and even was thoughtful enough to bring me some chocolate. I love you for always trying to make my job easier.

May 8, 2013

I love you because you do the hard things.

I know that dealing with one of the children at 2:30 in the morning is not really how you wanted to spend the evening. It was a crisis of the heart and spiritual battle that you were fighting. I was praying for you as you dealt with this child or should I say young man. He is so much like you and you are trying to teach him the consequences of his sin. Thank you for being such a good dad to him and trying to make him understand he is sinning against a holy God. Know that as we are still dealing with this child that I am always praying for you. I love you.

May 7, 2013

I love you for being so interested in what is going on during my day.

You always ask how my day is. You call during the day just to check up on me. When you know that one of the kids has a doctor's appointment you always call to see how it went. I love you for being so concerned how my day is going. It makes me feel loved.

May 6, 2013

I love you because you love our boys and only want the best for them.

Thank you for taking the boys out this morning and trying to teach them about God. I know that it is a struggle as one of the boys really rejects anything to do with God. I respect you for being patient with him and working with him despite his lack of interest. Know that he is watching you and he is responsible for his own decision. I am so glad that you and doing what you need to do.

May 5, 2013

I love you because you are getting better at making decisions.

We both have a tendency to not want to make decisions, even about the littlest thing. Today, I called to ask if I could go to evening church at my parents. You expressed the desire to have me come home and be there about the time you got off from the Army unit. I so respect when you make a decision like that. I tend to struggle with submission and you tend to struggle with being the leader of the family. It felt really good to actually submit to your decision as it was very clear what you wanted and why. I so want to get better at submitting to your authority. Please forgive me for not being a very submissive wife sometimes. I know that undermines your role as head of the house. I am trying to do better.